Day 12- The person who caused me a lot of pain

It could be either the person who caused me a lot of pain or the person I hate the most, but I'm not much for pain.


Dear Dad,
You made my early childhood happy, but then you taught me how to fear. You taught me to fear raised hands, yelling, and anything of that sort. I couldn't step out of line, although I often did. Nothing big. I was a pretty normal child, but I didn't argue with you and mum as much as a normal child would have. You were worse to Naomi, but somehow she has more than forgiven you for all of that. By using her as an example, you taught me to keep quiet, stay inconspicuous, and to get you a drink whenever you told me to. I remember once she was crying and screaming because I wouldn't let her get her way, and you were asleep [which is what you did all day every day. Up all night and sleep most of the day.], and I told her to stop crying or you'd be very angry, and you came out of your room and beat her and screamed at both of us. You weren't always a terrible father, but your misdeeds overshadowed your niceness. I guess I should be thankful that you didn't hit us harder, hurt us worse, or sexually abuse us. I feel as if anytime I tell anyone how you were to us other people are like "Oh, that's nothing, my family is worse. At least they didn't do ____" like just because their parents were worse that means that I didn't have it bad. Everyone that says stuff like that to me doesn't have as much of a visible effect -.- But, whatever.
I love you, and I'm sorry I don't spend that much time with you. But, I can't forgive you for the past. Not when, just by how you act, I know that if we were younger and you weren't dating Anne you would still act the same as you did. You think you've changed so much, but you really haven't. You still sit around instead of getting out and doing stuff, still spend way too much on stuff you don't need when you have a tight budget, still are too moody, too angry, too ready to argue. You still throw things when you're mad, storm out of the house, yell and scream, and think that the world isn't giving you enough pity. I hope you change before Ava gets older, because I never want her to have to deal with what I had to. But I know that's not possible, so I'll be there for her. Anytime, day or night, if you're yelling and screaming and it doesn't involve her and she doesn't need to hear it, all she will have to do is call me and I will pick her up.