Day 30-Your reflection in the mirror

Dear Me in the mirror,
I see your hair is brown again. Not quite as dark as you like it, but then again you'd rather it be red. Your face is blemished, your nose red. That red is that sunburn you got. Your nose just looks like you've been crying, but your chest is so red you sometimes think it's kinda purple. Your stomach's also quite burnt. Your thighs aren't as bad as they were. You've got more freckles than you usually do- Too much sun. Your eyes aren't bad. Sometimes they're dull and bored, but most of the time they're bright and clear. They're never the same color they were the day before, or at least not that I can recall. Your nose looks okay, at least until someone takes a picture of your profile. Then it looks like a little tomato. My teeth I'll never be happy with. I've gotten used to them, but I'm not happy about them. I'll be getting braces soon. I'm really dreading it because I think braces look horrible and painful, but I know I need them.
Sometimes I think you're beautiful. You stun me with your own kind of beauty. You're nothing to put in a magazine, but you're pretty to those who can see it.
Other times I think you're plain and don't even bother to wonder why only one man wants you.
Your stomach is too chubby
Your thighs just a little too jiggly
Your boobs just quite not big enough [I mean, they have a lot to make up for]
You don't even look that great in corsets
Why can't you be tall and slim, just like you always wanted to be?!
But I digress.
Sometimes I'll love you, sometimes I'll hate you, but in the end I can't change you.
Love,
Yourself

Day 29-The person you want to tell everything to, but too afraid to.

Dear Mum,
I'd like to tell you that I want birth control and why it would be smart for me to have it, but you would SKIN ME ALIVE AND DO OTHER TORTUROUS THINGS TO ME O.O
I want to tell you how much I've started to HATE Alberto recently because he's being a prissy little asshole, but if you didn't slap me then I'd be grounded. Yelling would a given.
I want to tell you what's wrong with this family- Oh, there's so much!- but you'd deny it and get pissed off. You get pissed when I tell you an ounce of truth. You need to stop living in your little fantasy world. Alberto's fueling your fantasy, which only makes you fall deeper in it. I don't even think you can distinguish the reality of why our family can't get along from your fantasy of how it's all my fault. Hell, it's not even Naomi's fault anymore. Both you and Alberto believe it's purely my fault, that I start it all.
Anything you don't agree with has to be wrong, doesn't it? I hope I'm more fair to my children.
Sincerely,
Desiree

Day 28-Someone that changed your life

Dear everyone I know,
Everyone I know has changed/shaped my life in some way.
The way I act
The clothes I buy
What music I listen to
What I do with my free time
I'm not saying you guys have shaped every aspect of my life, but you guys have helped. You guys recommend music, books, movies, animes, manga, anything I may like, you hang out with me, I'm nice to those I like, bitch polite to those I don't, you compliment me, you criticize me, and you keep me sane. You love me, you hate me, you have neutral feelings about me.
You have made me who I am today.
Thank you,
Dei

Day 27-The friendliest person you knew only for a day

Dear ..........
I don't talk to people for only a day.....
No, wait, famous people.

Dear Vic Mignogna,
A lot of successful people let that success go to their heads. But, you; You're a sweetie! Well, at least to your fans' faces. But I'm sure you're actually a sweetie. You just don't seem like you're not :)
I'm so glad I got to meet you. You're my favorite voice actor. You really won that cause you're the voice actor for like every male character in any anime that FUNimation has made XP
I know you're popular. I know your voice is versatile. But damn o.o
I keed, you're awesome :)
Sincerely,
Dei




PS: I only met him once. Therefore I knew him for a day. But technically I've known OF him for a while and saw him at 2 different cons.... I didn't have any better ideas :P

Day 26-The last person you made a pinky promise to

You know, I don't really make pinky promises. I make promises without pinkies though.

Dear Shayne,
I swear we do too much together. You've had half of these letters written to you XD
I promised you I'd always love you. And I always will. Even if we happen to break up, some part of me will still love you. You're not the first person I've loved, but in a way you're my first love. You're the first serious relationship I've had.
I promise to love you forever. I promise to live with you, to be there when you wake up in the morning, there when you go to bed at night.
I love you,
Dei

Day 25-The person you know who is going through the worst of times

Dear everyone,
At some time or another, our families suck. They add to our problems, but you know what, they also take some away. They yell at us for no reason, are unfair, don't get you what you want, or just plain take away your fun.
At some time or another, our friends suck. Or really our peers in general. They gossip, fake, make you feel like shit, or make you feel left out.
At some time or another, our lives in general suck. They're the reason you cry, you're miserable, you wish you were dead or never born at all.
Keep your head up. Even if your family truly sucks and are abusive crackhead whores, they're still family. You only have to put up with them until you're 18. People are going to gossip. Kill them with kindness. Don't let them get to you, I doubt they'll be there forever. Life has it's downs, but focus on the ups. If you focus on every negative detail, you're going to be miserable. Enjoy life. Tomorrow's a new day and today will never be here again.
You could die at any moment; Will you be happy with how you lived if you do?
Sincerely,
Dei

Day 24-The person who gave you your favorite memory

Dear my friends,
You've given me so many memories. I can't even list them all.
Shayne- Every day I have with you gives me a favorite memory. You say and do so many cute cheesy things. You make me believe that nice guys still exist- You're definitely one of them ♥ I look forward to you giving me more favorite memories in the years to come.
Chrissy- Oh my gods, I love hanging out with you! I can tell you anything! You're my best friend and that's never going to change ♥
[There's way, way too many more people to be specific]
Every one of you is a reason to live. You guys are there when I need you-to talk to, to laugh with, to cry on. I love you all.
Love,
Dei

Day 23-The last person you kissed

Dear Shayne,
You've gotten a lot of letters these last 22 days.
I remember the first time we kissed. Well, you kissed me. That kiss isn't the one I really count as our first. I mean, of course it was, but it was one sided. Our first kiss was walking home from the park, me sending out hints that I wanted you to kiss me and you just not getting them. Our first kiss was me storming off and you catching my arm and pulling me back. Our first kiss was secret, not supposed to happen.
Btw, you're the best kisser I've kissed ♥
Love,
Dei

Day 22-Someone you want to give a 2nd chance to

Dear Alanna,
I'm not going to go into detail on the situation that just passed for your privacy. But I'm giving you another chance cause after all that happened I seriously thought about us taking a break. So far things seem to be going pretty great :)
You already know everything I just said so this letter is kinda pointless. Oh well.
Love,
Dei

Day 21-Someone you judged by their first impression

Dear Shayne,
Your first impression wasn't that....great. I'd heard from the group [mainly Chrissy] that you had been after Bre for years [what our group calls a stalker but doesn't really mean it], so I wrote you off. Corey said we'd get along, but after hearing that you were a creeper for Bre, I didn't want to "get along" with you [because he was so obviously thinking of setting us up]. Although, I was a bit interested to meet you. I met you when me, Chrissy, and Mark went to visit Chris back when him and Chrissy started dating. Corey dragged you out of the house because Mark wanted to see you and you were silent, sarcastic, and not too nice. Again, you were written off. I quickly forgot you and only heard about you from Chrissy or Chris about how much Chris hated you. All I ever heard was the bad things you did and I thought you to be mean and rude.
We hung out, all as a group, when I was dating Kyle. Then, I just thought you to be very weird because you kept bringing out your weapons to show off to me. I think that day you offered to give me a piggyback ride but I declined and you gave one to Chris instead.
Wait, didn't we hang out before that? Yes, we did! Corey called me over cause Chris could play the beginning to Nightmare on drums and he [and everyone] knows how much I love A7X :heart: And we played with the shopping cart but I wouldn't let anyone but Corey or Naomi push me cause I was afraid you would go to fast and make me crash. XD
I'm glad your first impression was wrong. I've never personally seen a relationship start out as unlikely as ours. [Although we weren't supposed to date]
I love you,
Dei

Day 20-The one who broke your heart the hardest

I've already written to you. You really didn't break my heart though. If you had broke it, there'd still be a piece of me that knew you mattered. You don't. I guess I'm just fortunate for not having my heart broken.

Day 19-Someone who pesters your mind [good or bad]

Dear Shayne,
You never leave my mind. Everything I do, you're there. Not in that stalkerish kind of way though :) We fight, we kiss, we cuddle, we make love. We're far from perfect, but we're perfect for each other.
Love always,
Desiree

Day 18- The person you wish you could be

Dear me,
I wish you were skinnier. I wish you had bigger boobs. I wish your teeth were perfect. I wish your skin was smooth. I wish you had the face shape that actually looks good. I wish that you didn't get hurt so easily. I wish that you had the means to do what you want to do. I wish that you could pursue your dream of being a house wife [But the economy will never let you do that.] I wish you could draw better. I wish you didn't have to use bases. I wish you could cook better. I wish you knew how to play video games. I wish you could easily make friends instead of being so awkward. I wish college didn't cost so much. I wish you could drive with ease. I wish you spent more time with Ava. I wish you could play an instrument. More so, I wish you could sing. I wish you had a voice that people would actually want to listen to. I wish you weren't so moody. I wish you didn't get so jealous. I wish your hair would turn out the way you wanted it to. I wish you had more things to do with your time. I wish that you had every book, manga, anime, tv show at your reach. I wish your cosplays were better. I wish you didn't have to get a job to have money. I wish people wouldn't say shit about your religion. Or things you liked. Or your dreams. I wish you could live in your fairytale. I wish, for at least a day, you could have everything you wanted. I wish you could have your lolita dresses. I wish all of these things were possible. I know that some probably are, but they're so hard to achieve.
Sincerely,
Yourself

Day 17-Someone from your childhood

Dear Laura,
Do you remember playing Harry Potter on the playground in first grade? You were ALWAYS Harry. I think I commented once that your hair was more of Draco's color and you got mad at me. Now look who you're dressed as for the premiere XD
Do you remember the day when I wore my mom's globe earrings to school and they were heavy so I took them out and lost one and you found it for me?
Do you remember that every Friday when we did whatever it was we did with the fun station thingies, I'd always pick you to be my partner?
Do you remember how when you started third grade your hair was green from swimming all summer? XD That was GREAT!
Do you remember when you read....I think it was Marley&Me and you got all emotional cause you loved your dogs and I sat there trying to comfort you like "WTF DO I DO!!! D:"
Or when we went to that park and caught those bugs and a spider got out and me, Annie Lake-Osbourne, and that student teacher I think she was, went running out of that room?
How about you, me, and Erica trying to plan out when we would see each other again [ie, what schools we were going to go to.] I gave you and her a friendship necklace, and now I don't think any of us knows where ours are.
Seventh grade our English teacher never let us work together because she knew we were best friends. That was completely unfair D:
Eight grade however, our English teacher had the damnedest time trying to keep me, you, and Funsize split up XD
You gave me a lot of my childhood. I love you. Thank you for being my friend all these years. This November we will have known each other for a decade o.o
We're nearly out of school now. I have a feeling it's going to be harder than ever to keep in touch. We're just going to have to make time for each other.
Reminiscing this evening has been enjoyable :) Have fun at the Harry Potter premiere! I still don't know who's a bigger fan :P ♥
Love foreverrr,
Dei

Day 16- Someone that's not in your state

Dear Lewis,
I wrote to you last time. You're my favorite out-of-state person! :D
I love going to cons with you. We should so do Colossalcon again!
I also love going to concerts with you.
More like, I love it when you take me places :)
I'm sorry I don't text you. I just get more easily annoyed over text. Me and you are better in person. But that's okay, you have Shayne to text now :)
Love,
Desiree

Day 15-The person you miss the most

Dear Mamaw,
I miss you the most because I will never be able to talk to you again. But I've already written a letter for you. So, please refer to Day 11.
Love,
Desiree

Day 14-Someone you've drifted away from

Dear everyone who was my friend before I moved,
I've drifted away from you. You've drifted away from me. I'm sure you want a sorry, but I'm sorry but you won't get one for that. We've all changed. So much. I feel as if I don't know most of you anymore, but you don't know me either. We banded together when we were all depressed, needing someone to talk us out of suicide and promise to be there for us. Friendships can't just work like that, they need other things too. They need happy things to talk about. They need to be support for everyday things. We weren't stable enough to support each other the way we needed to.
So, I'm sorry we aren't close anymore.
Dei

Day 13-Someone you wish could forgive you

Dear.........
You know, I don't know who to write to.
Everything I've done that I regret, please forgive me for it. Sometimes my mind gets stuck on whatever I regret that I've done recently, and I wince and I cringe, but there's no way to take it back. I really need to learn to let go of things, but it's hard.
So, yeah. Forgive me. Karma should smile on you if you do. I'm not saying it will cause no one controls Karma, I'm just saying you'd be doing a good thing so hopefully you'd be repaid for it :)
Sincerely,
Dei

Day 12- The person who caused me a lot of pain

It could be either the person who caused me a lot of pain or the person I hate the most, but I'm not much for pain.


Dear Dad,
You made my early childhood happy, but then you taught me how to fear. You taught me to fear raised hands, yelling, and anything of that sort. I couldn't step out of line, although I often did. Nothing big. I was a pretty normal child, but I didn't argue with you and mum as much as a normal child would have. You were worse to Naomi, but somehow she has more than forgiven you for all of that. By using her as an example, you taught me to keep quiet, stay inconspicuous, and to get you a drink whenever you told me to. I remember once she was crying and screaming because I wouldn't let her get her way, and you were asleep [which is what you did all day every day. Up all night and sleep most of the day.], and I told her to stop crying or you'd be very angry, and you came out of your room and beat her and screamed at both of us. You weren't always a terrible father, but your misdeeds overshadowed your niceness. I guess I should be thankful that you didn't hit us harder, hurt us worse, or sexually abuse us. I feel as if anytime I tell anyone how you were to us other people are like "Oh, that's nothing, my family is worse. At least they didn't do ____" like just because their parents were worse that means that I didn't have it bad. Everyone that says stuff like that to me doesn't have as much of a visible effect -.- But, whatever.
I love you, and I'm sorry I don't spend that much time with you. But, I can't forgive you for the past. Not when, just by how you act, I know that if we were younger and you weren't dating Anne you would still act the same as you did. You think you've changed so much, but you really haven't. You still sit around instead of getting out and doing stuff, still spend way too much on stuff you don't need when you have a tight budget, still are too moody, too angry, too ready to argue. You still throw things when you're mad, storm out of the house, yell and scream, and think that the world isn't giving you enough pity. I hope you change before Ava gets older, because I never want her to have to deal with what I had to. But I know that's not possible, so I'll be there for her. Anytime, day or night, if you're yelling and screaming and it doesn't involve her and she doesn't need to hear it, all she will have to do is call me and I will pick her up.

Day 11- A deceased person you wish you could talk to

Dear Mamaw,
Oh, I knew this day was coming. But I had thought I would be writing this late at night, or at least alone. Mum is sitting on the couch with Alberto, and although they are dozing, crying wouldn't go that unnoticed for long...
Mamaw, I miss you. So, so much. I don't think there's a day that passes that I don't think of you. It's been almost a year since that dreadful day when I lost you forever. I remember it so vividly. The grogginess of being called at 6 in the morning, the slap that woke me up when Dad said you were gone then corrected himself and said you were dying. Running downstairs where Mum and Alberto had just got home from their paper route and were eating breakfast, not even able to get the words out before I just broke down crying. Mum hugging me and telling me she would take me to the hospital. Her waking Naomi, hurriedly getting dressed, picking out something nice for you, no black whatsoever, for you. That's the first time more than just my immediate family saw my pentagram. In my rush, I had forgotten to take it off. I'm glad I didn't- It helped me feel not so alone. You know, I don't think my eyes were dry the entire time I was at the hospital. Everyone else was so calm, but I was falling apart. Sissy and I really bonded that day. She was my shoulder to cry on for the small amount of time that I saw her. That day was the first time I hugged Anne. I had wanted to since I decided I liked her, but I always felt too awkward to. I remember they told me that you said Ava would be a girl. I remember telling Mum that I didn't care if the baby was a girl or boy, I just wanted you. You weren't gone at that point, but all hope was lost. You were in a coma, left alive for everyone to say their goodbyes.
I remember getting lost on the way home due to construction [We had gotten lost on the way to the hospital due to construction too.] Mum picked us up some McDonald's hash browns and got me Starbucks. As soon as I got home, I went up to my bed with a roll of toilet paper and collapsed. I fell asleep around 10, crying, drinking, and feeling so lost.
I woke up at noon, maybe it was 1, and went downstairs and got on the computer. Dad called, and I knew immediately what it was about. He told me they took you off of life support and you passed at 12:34. Such a perfect time. I wonder if they did that on purpose. 12:34 pm July 30, a part of my life ended.
I wish you could be here now. I want you to see Ava, to love her as you loved us. I want you to be at my wedding. I want you to be there for my children. I want you to teach me how to cook as well as you did. I want your recipes. Mamaw Dillon's just aren't as good as yours. I want Shayne to meet you, for him to know why you're so important to me. He stood by me as I cried at your grave the other day. They surprised me by taking me. I had barely any warning. Mamaw, Papaw, and Papaw Kirk, and Naomi were there. That was the last thing I needed. It was bad enough having Dad and Shayne there. I'm going to go back on the 30th and put a bouquet of flowers on there, just for you. I don't know if they'll be real or fake, but fake will probably be better. Your grave is going to have so many flowers from all of us that we won't even see your headstone. Your grave is already one of the most decorated graves in the cemetery.
I'll see you again in the afterlife. I love you.
Love,
Desiree

Day 10- Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to

Dear Brandi,
Yes, we talk. But not too often. And it's not just because you have a set number of texts per month you can use on me, but because we don't really have anything to talk about. I can't tell you all of my secrets because I'm afraid of what you'd say or that it would be awkward.
But, I love you. You're a really awesome person and I can't imagine our group without you :) I hope you're having fun being 16 now and driving around and being valedictorian. Oops, I forgot, we don't know for certain yet ;) I have faith in you, you're gonna win it :D You can do anything you put your mind to ♥
Love,
Dei

Day 9-Someone you wish you could meet

Dear Emilie Autumn,
You inspire me. You inspire me to act and dress how I feel. Victorian is beautiful, but it isn't popular. I've always loved corsets and now I have one. A real lace-up corset *-* My mum taught me that red hair was ugly. My step mom dyes her hair Vampire Red [Manic Panic] and she's beautiful. Your red hair is stunning. My red hair made me look like Ariel lol :heart: [Although I must admit that finding out half the time you're wearing a wig was a little saddening] I'd never considered rats to be anything special- I'd been taught they were disgusting. Your photo shoots with rats are cute, which led me to actually think about my view of rats, which made me look them up online, which made me see how adorable they are :heart: Rats are more common a pet than I had thought. They're intelligent and sweet, unlike mice, which I had thought were cuter.
Your songs make me feel at peace, make me happy, go with my mood when I'm sad or distraught. Your voice is amazing, able to hit both high and low notes. Your lyrics are indescribable, making sense with phrases that don't belong, sugar-coating the bitter truths of society.
I'd love to meet you, to tell you how awesome I think you are. To get a hug from you, or a kiss on the cheek :) [You're the only star I know of that does that. I think it's cute :)]
I'm very curious about if you're actually somehow related to Alice Liddell. My boyfriend says it's highly unlikely, but then again, he seems to try to disprove any fantasy I may have. If you really are related to her, I love you all the more. I love Alice in Wonderland. I call it that instead of Alice's Adventures Under Ground cause to be honest, I've only seen movie adaptations ^^;
I'm rambling, I know. Forgive me. If I really were to meet you, I wouldn't be able to say anything at all. I'll get it all out now, on the computer's substitute for paper, hoping that you'll never read it.
Love,
Dei

Day 8-Your Favorite Internet Friend

You know, I don't really have friends that I don't know in real life.


Dear Souma,
We don't really talk too often, and we don't talk about anything important, but I talk to you more than anyone else I haven't met. You're pretty cool. Unfortunately, you're misunderstood by those around you. You know, we don't live too far from each other, why are the people so different? O.o
One day I will meet you and we will be friends. Do not be offended that I will use the buddy system. I want you to turn out to actually be a teenage guy, not some 40 year old perv o.o
Sincerely,
Dei

Day 7- Your Ex

Dear Mark,
You know, we only technically dated for what, a day? We were never meant to be. I was too lost in our friendship and how much I liked you to see that though. You like attention, but I needed more than you gave. You said you weren't ready for a relationship, but I was. You said you were bi, but....well you haven't dated any girls since me [that I know of] XD
I wish we were still close. I didn't get a chance to talk to you at the fireworks. I'm sorry I was such a bitch in the one sentence I said, I was in a really bad mood due to something that happened before we left. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. But I'll get to apologize in person and talk to you on Saturday :) You better come to Brandi's party, she's making no-bakes! [Hers are THE BEST!]
Sincerely,
Dei
P.S. GIVE ME MY CLOTHES BACK I'M SERIOUSLY GETTING REALLY PISSED ABOUT THEM.



Dear Kyle,
I think we dated for 2 days lol. And at least we kissed. But, I dropped you for Mark. I'm sorry. But, we wouldn't have worked out anyway. We never had much to talk about and we didn't have an emotional connection [or really a connection at all.] We hung out today with Shayne, Corey, and Chris, and you seemed fine with it. I'm glad, that means we'll still be able to be friends. I mean, we've been talking online, but we haven't hung out since like right after we broke up.
Sincerely,
Dei



Dear Pyronecromancing,
Yes, your screen name is what I'll call you. Do you know how bad you messed me up? Not too bad, thank goodness, but bad enough. I loved you, or at least thought I did. You led me on, told me you loved me, said all these sweet things to me, then left me without even saying goodbye. Then, I find out from your sister months later that you hadn't been faithful since you moved. I'm glad you just randomly disappeared from the internet- You saved me from myself. I was ready to run away with you and leave my family behind, but I didn't. You were a pot head, a pill popper, a chain smoker, and loved your alcohol. I'll never date anyone like you ever again. I wish you could see me now, the one girl you didn't fuck up and knock up. I'm so above you now, and you're only going to sink further :)
Fuck you,
Dei :)

Day 6- A stranger

Dear Stranger,
I'm sorry, but I will judge you. I'm not going to let myself be open to someone who seems like a bitch. Prove me wrong if you want to, but we're probably not going to see each other again so it doesn't matter. Don't worry, I'll be polite to you. I don't want to start any drama in case you really are a bitch.
Bye,
Dei

Day 5-Your Dreams

My dreams. I dream of getting married, having children [no more than 2], living comfortably, and surrounding myself with my wonderful friends. I don't ask for much; the "living comfortably" part is the most part. But, I dream of having a house, not renting an apartment. I dream of having a flatter tummy and fuller boobs. I dream of having 2 cats and possibly a sugar glider and some fish. I dream of making breakfast in the morning and dinner at night for my family. I dream of falling asleep beside Shayne every night, curled up in our bed. Tucking our daughter in. Having her sleep with us when she has nightmares. Showing her every Disney fairytale and dressing her up like a princess. Teaching her about Avenged Sevenfold, Seether, and Disturbed. Letting her spend time with her amazing aunts, Chrissy and Alanna. Her being best friends with her aunt Ava. Taking our children to Sandusky when Shayne and I teach them about slug bug.
Unrealistically, I dream of traveling. I would love to go to England.
I dream of having a beautiful wedding with a BEAUTIFUL dress. I dream that my mamaw Kirk will be there.
I dream that Mamaw was here, getting to know Ava and loving her to death. That she was here to meet Shayne and tease me about him. Here to teach me how to cook and sew and take care of gardens. There when my kids are growing up, teaching them the things she taught me. I dream that I could spend a week with her, 2 maybe, like I'd promised to do but postponed. I'll never have that chance again.

Please come true,
Dei

Day 4-Your Siblings

Dear Ava,
You're so adorable. And smart. You're a little bit farther ahead mentally than you should be :) I'm so proud hunny! I love you so much. I see a bright future for you. You've enchanted everyone, I can see you really going far. I can't wait for you to grow up, dress you in cute little clothes, take you to the park, buy you stuff, and spoil you :) [But not too much!] I wish I could see you more, but your sister and your daddy don't get along too well most of the time. But I'll make an effort to see you more, I promise ♥ Love,
Your big sister, Desiree ♥

Dear Naomi,
I must admit, you've gotten better. I think it's because you've spent most of the summer at Dad's. I think you should move in there. I'm not just saying it to get rid of you, I'm saying I think it would be very helpful. I also think that you should lose some weight, it's getting to be very unhealthy. You should also work on your attitude. Just because you come home every so often, does not mean you are going to be treated like a fucking princess. You are NOT a princess. You are just like everyone else. You are NOT better than me, you are NOT cooler than me, I am NOT a fat ass, and STOP trying to copy off of me. I don't care if you "look up to me," <b>I</b> am me, NOT you.
Sincerely,
Desiree